TLC Newsletter 02.2025
St. Valentine's Day Challenge
By: Melissa Armstrong, LIMHP, LADC
When I was a child, I loved Valentine's day. I loved making the mailboxes out of the shoebox, the construction paper, the doilies, the candy, picking just the right valentine pun for the person you named, using your best writing, and cutting your heart "just right". Remember? It was a day of joy and innocent community love.
As I got older, the meaning changed. High School was the first time I felt the twinge that i was 'supposed to be" a couple. Thankfully, the majority of my class was single and Sgt Pepper introduced us to the "Lonely Heart's Club Band." We all joined and celebrated the love of friendship. In those days, girls waited for a flower or a card. It's so different now. Now, there is so much pressure to make it big, extravagant, expensive, and Facebook-worthy, promoted by the advertisers. The worst ad I ever saw for Valentine's Day, in my opinion, was a jewelry store ad that said, "Buy her the big ring before someone else does." My therapist's mind said, RUN! if someone else is buying her a ring and she picks you because your ring is bigger, RUN!"
Now, I see the hurt and dissatisfaction with those who are single. Every one of them feels that there is something inherently wrong with them that leads them to be single. The pandemic made things more isolated than ever. Let me remind you--There are a lot of wonderful people who are single on February 14. This holiday is painful for anyone whose loved one has died, who is amid a break-up or divorce, who is focusing on school/career/kids and doesn't have time, there are a million valid reasons people are single. Maybe you are questioning who you love, or if you believe in love.
Think about the different kinds of love you have had in your life that have nothing to do with romance or sex-- friends, pets, celebrities, parents, siblings, neighbors, classmates, etc.
I challenge you to think of the smaller kinds of love. Appreciation for the friends when they tell an inside joke, the barista who brightens your day with a smile, the grumpy old man who grumps a little less when he sees you, the mailman who stops to tease you about the number of boxes he has delivered to you this week, and on and on.
The CHALLENGE--This year, let's get back to the innocent love. Let's celebrate the love you have and may take for granted. Here are the rules--no money can be spent--Use your words or your actions to tell one other person (or more if you can) that you appreciate them. AND....
Here's the hard part--tell yourself that you love and appreciate yourself. Focus on what's good about you. Make a list or write yourself a valentine. You can do it! I have faith in you.
To quote my father (who probably stole it from someone else) "Love doesn't make the world go 'round, but it makes the ride worthwhile." I appreciate you, dear reader, if you have made it this far. Now make yourself some hearts and find the doilies.